Weddingnesday… the guest stress

17 Mar

Now that we’ve got an idea of where and when, we’re starting to think about the who… who are we inviting to our wedding.

This is the part that I’ve been dreading.

We’ve set ourselves a rule for our wedding that we’re bringing together all the people we love and who love us for a day.

Ok, so there’s a few randoms on the guest list – and I’ve not met some of the OH’s family – but that doesn’t phase or bother us.

However I have one huge worry, which I wish I could stop stressing about.

I have a family member I don’t want to invite.

More honestly, that I can’t invite.

I’m sure I can’t be the only one who’s been through this.

If someone has demonstrated time and time again how little they care about you, then surely you shouldn’t feel so bad about not having them there?

And if that someone has missed (or blighted) every big (and little) occasion of your life so far, surely you shouldn’t guilty about leaving them out?

Except I do.

But I think feeling guilty and a little sad is better than the alternative.

Pic via recordis photography

17 Responses to “Weddingnesday… the guest stress”

  1. Lucy 17/03/2010 at 1:57 PM #

    Oh that’s such a sad post. Of course you shouldn’t feel guilty!
    It’s you and your OH’s wedding, and you should do whatever is going to make it right and happy for you.

  2. Catherine 17/03/2010 at 2:59 PM #

    I sort of know how you feel – we’re keeping it small so there are many people we can’t invite. But one of them is one of Richard’s brothers, it’s a long story, but we won’t be inviting him. It’s a bit sad, a lot easier for me as I don’t really know him, but you know sometimes people choose to exclude themselves from your life so that’s… their decision really.

  3. mysparethoughts 17/03/2010 at 4:02 PM #

    I don’t think you should feel bad or guilty. I don’t know any family without drama but I certainly wouldn’t want the drama at my wedding. Do what feels best for you and OH – you don’t need negativity at your wedding it is a celebration of your love.
    We had (still have) concerns about the guest list – my Mum’s brother and sister are both quite estranged from the family and I really didn’t want my uncle at the wedding. I decided that it should be my Mum’s decision and thankfully she has decided not to invite her brother and will invite my aunt on the assumption that the chances of her accepting are minimal.
    I did try and set a rule that only people we’d both met were allowed to come. Having been together for 7 years that should be most of the family. But that started to cut out people I really wanted to be there so…..

  4. laura 17/03/2010 at 5:23 PM #

    Weddings are a celebration of yourself and your other half being in love so surely the only people to be invited are those who would be very happy to witness this happy day?

  5. Rachel 17/03/2010 at 6:33 PM #

    Whenever you start to feel guilty about it, just remember that this day is really about–and for–you and your fiancee. Put your feelings first!

  6. Lisa-Marie 17/03/2010 at 7:44 PM #

    My wee sister was my bridesmaid – I grew up with my mum and her dad, and he was habitually horrible to my mum toward the end of their relationship, sometimes afterwards and then to me after she died, so I don’t talk to him. I didn’t invite him or that whole ‘side’ of my family to my wedding. Sometimes I feel guilty, but worrying about them being there would have spoilt it. It’s your wedding love, invite the people you want to be there.

    If you want a chat about this, do feel free to email me!

  7. catherine 17/03/2010 at 10:53 PM #

    i just happened upon your blog and love that you’re a follower of brit blogs – i’m always trying to find blogs from the uk as i hate drooling over blogs from the states then finding that everything’s from america!, so your links are definitely a jackpot 🙂

    in terms of the dilemma,
    what a sticky situation to be in, but at the end of the day it is your big day and nothing should be there to upset you. if said person hasn’t been a part of big life moments up til now, why should you have to let them be a part of this one?
    i hope everything works out well in the end


  8. Laura@edenrose 17/03/2010 at 10:59 PM #

    Honey one of the things iv learnt over the last few years is you should ultimatly look after number 1 and make yourself happy. You and your OH are entitled to invite who ever you want and people will no doubt have a strop and a sulk but they will get over it in the end and you will have the wedding day you want and deserve. Hope you resolve things, stay happy XX

  9. trishie 18/03/2010 at 1:33 AM #

    Don’t feel guilty, it is your wedding. you have every right to invite the people you want!

  10. Gaynor 18/03/2010 at 1:48 AM #

    You shouldnt feel guilty at all but I know how hard it is and how easy it is to feel that way.

    You should def do exactly what you guys both want and as you say, surround yourself by people who want to see you be happy and will be happy for you.

  11. Serena 18/03/2010 at 3:06 PM #

    It seems we’re all in agreement – PLEASE don’t feel guilty about this.

    Also (from one who knows bugger all about your family) I think inviting him/her would definitely be the wrong thing to do, because you’d be worrying even more, about what he/she might do.

    I really think family is about more than genetics… it’s the people who’ve treated you well during your life.

    Your wedding day isn’t the time to make space for any nasty pieces of work!


  12. Lisa 18/03/2010 at 3:36 PM #

    i am dreading a wee bit of family drama at my event and I know it is easier said then done but I say don’t invite them. I would say invite them knowing they won’t come but I’m not sure if that would be more hurtful to you or bad if they did show up. hope it all works out for you!

  13. catherine 18/03/2010 at 6:30 PM #

    thanks for your reply comment – yup i love those pom pom strands. what kind of wedding are you planning? diy? have you seen and they are incredible xo

  14. Charlotte 18/03/2010 at 8:55 PM #

    You should do whatever you need to make sure you and your other half have the perfect day!

    I have a big broken family who don’t speak to each other – so we are going to the Caribbean with four friends for our big day!

    Charlotte xx

  15. Mrs T 19/03/2010 at 2:45 AM #

    Ah the joy of family. Don’t feel guilty. If they don’t treat your right, they miss out. Their fault – not yours.

  16. rosie 19/03/2010 at 6:31 AM #

    Just a thought…if the family member never has shown up anyway, what’s the hurt in inviting him/her anyway just so they don’t have more “fuel for the fire”? Happy Wedding!

  17. CAPow! 26/03/2010 at 9:54 PM #

    the “who” is the part I am dreading when m & i get married, we both have HUGE families…

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