Weddingnesday… things that bother this bride

30 Jun

Planning a wedding is weird. It’s exciting but also quite draining.

Tracking down suppliers, trying on dresses, even looking at wedding blogs – are all fun but also a bit of a head fuck.

I get all giddy and then the realistic, logical, rational bit of me takes over and starts fretting about the costs and the practicalities.

Then the irrational side of me takes over and starts stressing about the odd but obvious wedding things.

Like how you keep a dress secret. How you choose your bridesmaids.

Or how much you have to change the way you look to be a ‘bride’.

*

On more than one occasion, I have said to the OH “Are we sure we want to do this?”

(To his credit, he is yet to say no.)

*

So how on earth do you stay sane while wedding planning?

Anyone got any tips? Other than just stopping for a bit and having a lie-down!

Pic via here
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12 Responses to “Weddingnesday… things that bother this bride”

  1. Lisa-Marie 30/06/2010 at 8:52 PM #

    We had a certain amount of time each week for it. We gave ourselves a strict budget and stuck within it. Venues will often do alot for you, so check exactly what you are getting for the price. And ask people if you need help! Also – takes pictures of you in your dress and have a locked photo account so that you can show a few choice people – it feels like you get to tell your secret, but you don’t show the actual dress. for bridesmaids, I just had my sister and my best freind from childhood. I have lots of very close friends, but I think two is enough. I considered having Dave’s sister too, but we asked her to do a reading instead.

    p.s. Dundee isn’t far from the Burgh, if you need help, you can always give me a shout.

  2. Bonnie 30/06/2010 at 9:02 PM #

    My friend got engaged at Xmas, told everyone, then found out she was a month and a half pregnant. The focus shifted to readying for the baby and she’s been taking all the other stuff in stride- let the fiancee pick the cars & band (because he plays in a busy wedding band so had to decide between the competition!), the bridesmaids pick our own outfits, picked a venue that was half way between her home town and his and isn’t worrying about the dress until she returns to normal size (baby due August, wedding next July). She is zen.

    Of course, getting pregnant might be kind of an extreme way to distract from the wedding stresses so I’m not necessarily recommending it!

  3. Catherine 01/07/2010 at 12:36 AM #

    Ugh totally. In retrospect I wish I’d been more on top of the practicalities and less on top of design sponge and 100 layer cake and so on, which are gorgeous and I love them but in the end logisitics are actually more important. Like, um, getting everyone there in time (oh yes we lost a few, never fear we found them quickly. My fault for not including maps with the invites, though even then I sort of wonder…). I wish I’d got things just ticked off the list as soon as was practicable, some things were far too last-minute.

    For bridesmaids I had one from each side of the family and my best mate from high school. Actually they were one of the trickiest things – first there was what dress to buy that would “work” with the wedding and also flatter and fit all of them, then there was the alterations then more drama. And they looked gorgeous on the day. I wish I had accepted that they may stress about their appearance too, it’s not necessarily that they expect you to fix everything it’s just letting off steam sometimes. And also that I’d taken them both out at the same time and made them try on ones they liked for fit…

    I wish I’d remembered that my friends and family are there to celebrate you, not mark you out of ten. Really and truly they are. And make sure someone, not you, is delegated to light the candles (etc, etc). You will not have the time, for anything except celebrating and socialising, as it should be.

    It’ll be gorgeous, and over so ridiculously fast, and then you’ll have the ring and the photos and the memories left. And a marriage.

  4. Tonia 01/07/2010 at 7:24 AM #

    You don’t stay sane! There is something beyond nature about weddings that will just sweep you along: Aunty Flo’s diet, the kids from hell, work friends politics, his hideous friends that just won’t Go Away, corkage fees, bunting dilemmas, real petal confetti or fake, to wedding list or not, cake samplings and **deep breath** just how much everyone sticks a premium price on the word ‘Wedding’. You’ll love it!

  5. mysparethoughts 01/07/2010 at 8:30 PM #

    Lists, lists and more lists and then lists of the lists.

    Don’t change the way you look to be a bride! Are you going to change the way you look to be a wife?

    Pick bridesmaids that are relatively georgraphically close by if possible. Pick ones that love you unconditionally who will tell you if a dress looks terrible and who you can tell to shut the eff up without hurting their feelings.

    And don’t spend too much time on the “beautiful blogs” you’ll drive yourself crazy.

    • Lisa-Marie 01/07/2010 at 8:48 PM #

      mysparethougts, you are entirely right about not changing the way you look. I looked exactly like me, down to doing my own makeup, with slightly tidier hair and a puffy dress.

  6. Conversation Pieces 01/07/2010 at 9:34 PM #

    You guys are brilliant! 🙂

    @lisa-marie – great advice about dedicating specific time to it… and very reassuring on the bridesmaids (I’ve been so worried about the ‘right’ thing to do!) and thanks so much for the offer of help – very much appreciated!

    @bonnie – the ‘get pregnant’ thing so made me laugh! yes that most definitely would get rid of the wedding stress!!

    @catherine – maps on invites noted! and someone to light the candles… I was actually wondering about that the other day!

    @tonia – he he… goodbye sanity! (to be fair, I prob wasn’t that sane to start with!!)

    @mysparethoughts – I do love a list! and yes the beautiful blogs do make you feel blurrgh after a while!

    @mysparethoughts & @lisa-marie – I have so never heard anyone describe it as ‘would you change to be a wife?’. mysparethoughts I bow down to your wiseness… I guess I’ve been pondering it/stressing over it as I know so many people who did change for their wedding – lost weight/changed their hair etc etc. I like the idea of me, just a tidier me! 😉

  7. Gaynor 02/07/2010 at 9:20 AM #

    Not sure I have any useful tips!

    Just take it one bit at a time; we didnt really look at hundreds of options for anything {except my dress}; the rest we just found a supplier we liked then booked it; did that for the photographer, cars, band, florist and we only went to see 2 venues properly. The piper we had we didnt book till 2 weeks before as the one at the venue was going to be so expensive and that was no problem.

    That makes it sound like we totally knew what we wanted which I guess in a way we probably did, but I also couldnt be bothered looking at loads of everything as I had lots of DIY i wanted to get on with!

    As for choosing your bridemaids; make it the girls who know you best ie your best friends. Of course, I had everyone, well 5 anyway, my sister, grahams sister & my 3 best friends who I have know since school. Their dresses were pretty easy; I saw one I liked, it was the length I wanted, could get it in the colour and it would tie in with my dress; the girl in the shop said she had seen it on all different sizes so we got the girls in to try it on and that was it, 2 were even pregnant at the time so didnt actually try the dress on till theirs came in! I think they all looked fab.

    and yes, you shouldnt change the way you look to be a bride; just be a more polised version of yourself. Although it is a perfect time to be pampared by letting other people pamper you! emm well says me who lost 3 stone before the wedding but I totally needed to do that anyway and the wedding gave me the push! I also grew my nails altho didnt start that till 6 weeks before!

    Sorry for the long long commment, sometimes i just seem to whitter on!

  8. mysparethoughts 02/07/2010 at 11:11 AM #

    Oh and delegate anything you can possibly think of. My Dad has arranged the chair covers and was supposed to organise the cake decorator but went on holiday to South Africa instead – to be fair he is making the cake so pulling his weight in that way. I even had him arranging appointments at dress shops for me!
    I’m quite a control freak so found delegating quite difficult but really you don’t have to do it all.

  9. Alice 04/07/2010 at 7:22 PM #

    I love this photo.

  10. Bells 15/07/2010 at 12:42 PM #

    I know this is a bit late and you have already had some brilliant advice so I just have one little thing to add.
    Keep remembering why you are doing these things – it’s not work, or obeying the law or paying taxes or doing exams or any of the other stressful things in life. It’s because you have chosen to do something wonderful and great with the person you love the most. Woo hoo!!
    It is a big deal (otherwise, why bother?) and therefore can be stressful – but keep calling it “good” stress. Because let me tell you (from the other side)
    GETTING MARRIED IS BRILLIANT!

    and if something gets “unhappy” stressful; f*ck that, it ain’t worth it – find a way to drop it.

  11. glasgowbride 19/07/2010 at 9:29 PM #

    I’m late and I have less wedding planning experience than others, but my advice is to try not to get too distracted by all the pretty blogs. especially American ones that most likely have full on wedding stylists.

    Oh, and don’t share any unusual plans you have that are very important to you. People often have opinions which you may not want to hear! (Not that it matters, but sometimes it’s easier to not have that conversation.)

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